w.I.b:warung ikan bakar:
Harap-harap INI KALILAH !

Saturday, December 24, 2005  

Blessed Christmas, my friends...

I pray that all of you have time to reflect and rekindle your hearts in this year ending season.

As for myself, I have lots of thinking to do about the depth of my Christian faith, and some important decisions.

To those that I have displayed my worst behaviour, know that I was actually a nice decent guy.

To those that think I am a nice decent guy, take note that I am sometimes the worst sinner ever imagined.

God be my helper. Blessed Christmas to all of us.

| |fooji made noise at the warung at 9:04 AM

Disappointment! - An email from Kve

A reply from pilocarpine was exactly what I expected to my comment. Who is being self-righteous now? And why in the world does he have to take it personally?

My comment was not made out of self-righteousness.... it was made out of the culmination of five years of disappointment. It is not only about that particular lecture. It is about various experiences and observations over five years. And it is in no way simple-minded. Simple words do not equate to simple-mindedness. Well-phrased quotes do not equate to being a great philosopher.

If you have read between the lines of Tauke's blogs all this while (In some of his blogs, you don’t even need to read between the lines.) – and as for me, knowing him personally too – you would have seen that he feels the same way. Disappointment! That is what his blog was about. In fact, that’s one of the Tauke’s gripes that he writes on sometimes.

Also, nobody can deny that there is no kiasuism among us here. Come on… most of us were “winners” in school to come into this so-called “top course” in the “top university in the country”. What do you expect? It is in our nature. But the issue is whether we are driven by it.

Whatever the reason for leaving the lecture may be, (Of course, not because of NK Chew’s weekly extra class, since it’s on Wednesdays while lectures are on Tuesdays. There is no association. It is merely an illustration of people’s habits and priorities. Anyway, there aren’t supposed to be any other classes scheduled between 2 to 4 pm Tuesdays, because it’s general lecture time. So, where are these people going?) it is, nevertheless extremely rude for people to leave in droves after the first lecture, (Of course again, given that it is a personal choice to skip a lecture.) just as the second lecturer enters the hall. Where is common courtesy? That is a disappointment in itself. Imagine, you being an external lecturer, coming to give a lecture and your audience leave before you’ve even started…….. This is not the first time this has happened.

Besides, that was the only palliative care lecture we have had the whole year. Of course, personal experience would be good... but not everyone has the good fortune or even interest in being to an established palliative care posting or has had first hand experience, caring for a dying relative. A lecture can hardly teach you anything either. Plus, it's a specialty by itself. But wouldn’t it be good to at least give some thought and reflect on the subject just by listening for one hour, which is not even an extra class?

What happened to the proverb printed out very boldly on our batch t-shirt back in first or second year? Just print for fun?

“To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.”



| |fooji made noise at the warung at 9:00 AM

Thursday, December 22, 2005  

Me self-righteous, U kiasu, Me Kiasu, U self-righteous

The great pilocarpine replied to my previous entry:-

"narrow minded, selfish and kiasu! as i've said many times before! they prefer to learn how to be a neurologist every week rather than to spend one hour reflecting on how to be around dying people."

i detest to this simple-minded comment. skipping the class has nothing to do with nkchew class. this is a baseless association, and a personal one, too.

people could not stay for class is because all they wanted is to pass... no, i'll revised that.. is to ace their final exam, or at least pass it with ease.

all this while, they are following their instinct, not their conscience,
or perhaps they believe that to follow their conscience IS to succumb to their instinct.

palliative class is boring, at least, this class is, frankly (i do not practise hypocritism, nor am i implicating that tauke is practising it). you can't just strike a person with an idea, a vision or an ultimate dream by simple lecture, and words that doesn't carry much weight.

weightage comes from experience,
weightage comes from practicality of matter, weightage comes from realizing that someone dearest or yourself is living or perhaps dying the palliative way....

"only after the last meat had been hunted down, last fish had been caught off, the last drop of clean water and air had been taken in, only then one will realize that money can not be eaten"

i had been to established posting in palliative care during my elective last year at tzu chi hospital, hua lien, taiwan.

the experience is one of its kind, and nothing can replace how much it made me realize the importance of palliative.

how one touches another person's heart required great effort, endless perhaps, but one can never never give up, and sadly to say, labelling people negatively would never help. It would be just like critizing smokers as annoying and moron.

what the world need is for someone, or perhaps a group of somebody starting doing things practically and we'll see how the rippling effect goes.

it's time we walk the talk, or else, this will be just another blog entry in ikanbakar.blogspot.com that deem to be repeated in the future as just another blog entry.

My reply:

So, let's say the dozen of students who had been deeply encouraged by their enriching palliative experience in Taiwan deserve to ignore the lecture, we still have more than 80% of the class. They chose to ignore this one simply because it is not coming out for exams, and maybe most medical students care more about diagnosing rather than the totality of management itself, which palliative care is a part of.

I agree that I am being self-righteous when I label my coursemates as kiasu. But sincerely, the reason for my previous post is my utter disappointment with the shallowness of the future doctors who cannot even give one hour to listen to a palliative care lecturer who came all the way to UMMC, probably with no pay, who is just interested to enlighten our darkened minds something about caring for the terminally ill.

So what if we can diagnose a 6th nerve palsy due to a cerebral abscess secondary to AIDS, if we know nothing about the palliative options of this AIDS patient?

Amongst those who stayed behind for the lecture, some were playing Bingo, some were reading their medical handbook, some were chit-chatting, some were sleeping, some have no idea what they are doing in medical school. Very few actually cared.

If this is the kind of attitude my future consultants have in the hospital, then I fear for the terminally ill patients of their time.

| |fooji made noise at the warung at 9:51 PM

Tuesday, December 20, 2005  

Apakah hebatnya jika
kupanjangkan umur kamu
tanpa kubantu kamu
bersedia untuk meninggal?

Almost the whole class gave an applause of satisfaction when the rheumatology lecturer ended his lecture which was full of good jokes and exam tips. When he left the lecture hall, half the class began to leave just as the next lecturer was coming in.

The next lecturer was Dr.Ednin Hamzah from Hospis Malaysia, who came to lecture us about palliative care.

It was a good lecture. Probably had it been given in Singapore, Hong Kong, or London, it would be a memorable lecture for a medical student. But unfortunately, almost all of my fellow colleagues are too shallow or indifferent to give a damn about the business of helping people die peacefully.

A tinge of self-righteousness here, but I think our fellow students are too KIASU as to even waste time on something that would not be tested in our exit examination. For them, what matter are the 11 criteria of SLE, the different causes for cyanosis, the steps to examine for 5th nerve palsy, and all that academic stuff that make them shine like a gold medallist. Palliative care? Don't waste my time, please, I can almost hear them say.

In the hospital, I see many frustrated patients and parents. They are not getting well, long hospital stay, because our doctors do not know when to stop treating, and start palliating. We do not know how to explain our actions, just thinking that they are too stupid to understand the basis our clinical practice guidelines.

Unfortunately, the smart ones who will one day be consultants in my great hospital are the ones who left the palliative care lecture. Because the smart ones also happen to be the most kiasu.

Sorry, my dear coursemates, but that's what I think some of you are - Kiasu and shallow!

| |fooji made noise at the warung at 6:19 AM

Monday, December 05, 2005  

"Your homework this week - go watch NARNIA"

We told the youngsters in our sunday class. Probably, this is the best and most fun homework for them.

Bought my ticket for a Wednesday midnight show. Personally, I am not a fan of fantasy stories, but hey, it is written by C.S Lewis, probably the best parable writer in this age.

May God be glorified in this movie. Sometimes, fiction can bring out the message with much more clarity and simplicity about the real world.

| |fooji made noise at the warung at 7:26 AM

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